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February 1st, 2007, 08:50 PM
#41
Inactive Member
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations.
I've changed my will three times
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February 2nd, 2007, 02:12 PM
#42
Inactive Member
WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY
There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their asses.
I thought the results were pretty interesting:
25% of women think their ass is too fat...
10% of women think their ass is too skinny...
The other 65% say that they don't care; they love him - he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.
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February 17th, 2007, 02:34 PM
#43
Inactive Member
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
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February 17th, 2007, 08:21 PM
#44
HB Forum Owner
oh... my.... GOD.... *screamlaugh*.... that was priceless!!!! [img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img]
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February 18th, 2007, 02:46 AM
#45
HB Forum Owner
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February 19th, 2007, 06:11 PM
#46
Inactive Member
I recently read about a man that had to go to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis after his mistress found the ring in his pants pocket and got so mad at him she stuck it on him while he was asleep.
I'm sitting here wondering wish is worse:
1) Having your mistress find out you're married.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.
3) Or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring. [img]confused.gif[/img]
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February 19th, 2007, 11:40 PM
#47
HB Forum Owner
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February 23rd, 2007, 03:16 PM
#48
Inactive Member
I thought you would want to know about this new e-mail virus, that is going around.
Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one.
It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1965.
Symptoms:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. done that!
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail! that too!
3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person. yep!
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. who, me?
5 Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. well, darn!
6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished. oh no - not again!
7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND." and I just hate that!
8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE."
Oh, No!
IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS
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February 23rd, 2007, 03:26 PM
#49
HB Forum Owner
Rog does get the great jokes. LOL !
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February 23rd, 2007, 05:18 PM
#50
HB Forum Owner
A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all
very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.
"Happy anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one. "Sorry I'm running
late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient. You know how it is,
and I didn't have time to get you a gift."
"Not to worry," said the father. "The important thing is that we're all together today."
Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom look great, Dad. I just
flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you."
"It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come."
Just then the daughter arrived. "Hello and happy anniversary! I'm sorry but
my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't
have time to get you anything."
Again the father said, "I really don't care. At least the five of us are together today."
After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your
mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very
poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college. Throughout
the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much but we
just never found the time to get married."
The three children gasped and said, "You mean we're bastards?"
"Yes," said the father. "And cheap ones, too."
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